That feeling for my sister - chronology of events

1989.... Her day starts off with a bunch of newly formed, little fingers trying to hold on to whatever is right in front of her. Her big, brown eyes twinkling, trying to digest all that the world has to offer them. A red ball, a flying paper, the hair on somebody's leg, all seem amusing to those little pearls of joy ! Everything is a new story, everything is something that brings up a smile. A wierd hyena type noise fills up the room every time somebody lifts her up and tosses her in the air ....

1992.... her first haircut, dad is holding her. "No worries," he says. "She's a fighter, not like you. You cried like a baby when you had your first haircut !" (By the way, I WAS a baby then ! ) Then suddenly, a round face under a cricket cap that umpires wear , seems to move. "Daddy, I want wallipa (lollipop). I did'nt cry." 10 mins later 3 musketeers armed with 2 ice creams and 1 wallipa ,1 esctatic,1 shamed and 1 who didn't care about anything other than the wallipa walk back home.

1996.... captured fully in a photograph. Two shirtless siblings sitting on chairs are enjoying ice-creams. One has orange icecream all over his body and she is the poster girl for chocolate ice-cream. The ice cream stick looks like a huge baton in her hand..... Cutest fingers ever ..... But I was jealous of the fact that you were the apple of everybody's eyes. That people thought you were far cuter and that you got everything you wanted.... It led to us fighting every time.....

2001... We realized that for the first time we can have the same opinion on something. Two siblings who used to fight with each other for everything , came together in grief, we lost our grandma. We knew that keeping the family upbeat was what was the order of the day and I am amazed at the level of maturity you showed , sister.........

2010 and still continuing...... You are a strong, mature and good hearted woman. For me you will be the kid, but I ll try to get around that. I wish you all the best for the future and only hope that whatever happens , we'll be there for each other... God bless you kiddo.........

The kid inside ........

"Saheb , paalish ? Karo naa, sahab. Ek dum chakachak karega." I was fidgeting with my phone, don't know what I was searching for in the god forsaken thing, but I was hooked to it. I didn't budge. A small, frail creature's hand reaches for my shirt, tugs at it. I get irritated. Look up with the most intimidating face I could ever produce, sort of like when you haven't answered an urgent nature's call for quite sometime, move my hand away hard and fast..He had to let go. And then suddenly the most innocent pair of twinkling eyes hit me, stun me and I can't continue. Hunger, poverty,misery, destitution, all of them right there in those black pearls. It was then that I realised what I had done. He stood there, standing with a bag in one hand and a wooden stand meant for shoes..Something came over me, a strong feeling, something weird that made me cry inside. With a choked voice, I managed a meagre, "Chottu, kuch khaya kya ? Bhoonk lagi hain ?" Surprised , he looked at me in disbelief, almost as if he had seen a ghost. I smirked,it was my turn now to return the favour. I put all that I had in my voice and went again ," Abe, khayega kya ?" He nodded in the affirmative, with tears and replied,"Pichle teen dino se bhoonka hoon. Woh daadhi wala mere saare paise le jaata hain aur bas ek pav khilata hain. Maarta bhi hain." Both of us walked down the street. I watched in silence as I stood looking at the small thing devour a vada pao with such gusto. "Aur?" Three down and a big smile, all for me..............

The kid got me to think, how many of such kids would be on the streets ? How many of them would be easy pickings for drug addicts, pimps and paedophiles ? All of them should have been in school, studying, fortifying their future, our country's future, but instead they are forced to beg,have sex, work at such tender ages, when they don't even know what is going on around them..........

Come to think of it, what an amazing time I had as a kid. Daddy I want "this" and daddy gets "this" for me. Momma ran behind me just to grapple me to the ground and force me to open my mouth so that she could feed me that one last morsel of rice. Granny's lap was my fantasy land stop, where I played with all my make believe friends and enemies - fairies, kings, queens and dragons, trolls. Yeah God met me there too........ But for them .......???? Simply nothing..... All of them just prey to the harshest side of reality that life is a bitch and a bad one at that.

Is this our dream for the future ? Is this what the "Sarva Shikshan Abhiyaan" aims at ?How many of these kids will be able to get a decent education, maybe learn to write their names for starters ? How many times will a pair of love bereft eyes stare at us before we understand what they go through ? How many kids can we keep feeding every time we encounter one of them?

My way out is, I CRY for them, Oh, yes I do...... My pa showed me the way.