Black holes ......

Tada .......... Cut back to 1974 . Stephen Hawking talks and publishes the first theory about his understanding of the " mystical black hole " in outer space ! Clap,clap, clap !!!! Critical acclaim, scientific acclaim, every other acclaim comes his way ! Sir, tussi great ho ! Its because of you that we Mumbaikars have realised the importance of our own ones !!!!

Black holes ? I am 'totALLlly paagol' as my choicest Bengali friend says, but then am I ? Actually, the real reason I began to harp about the black hole was the fact that I actually had my outer space experience, right here in the great city of dreams , Mumbai ! I was actually rocked back and forth in my space shuttle, " the rickshaw " close to Andheri station , on the great fucking Western Express 'High'way . I could actually pick my favorite black holes from the selection of the big craters , " our indigenous black holes " on the god freaking highway! Big fucks, we, the pilot and the passenger, used this wondrous opportunity, to go ' Mumbai Idol ' ishtyle and actually go judge our candidates ! After careful consideration, we realised that the winner has to be the one on the road right next to the entrance to Cine Magic, Andheri ! You want to know why ? Well the decision was unanimous because of the unparalleled experience as follows :

• The initial buildup before the huge black hole actually came in, was amazing ! You feel tiny, ticklish tremors no wonder how tight your underwear is, small shocks to the nuts charging you up !
• Then the momentum builds up with even bigger shocks cos 'bigger the better', they say. Actually this black hole came in a close second because maybe one of my nuts then just went semi blue. I gotta feeling ! Black eyed peas, anyone ????.......
• Just when we were on the brink of declaring our winner, we began to feel this tremendous rushing pain hitting up with the force of our vehicle getting stuck in the biggest freaking crater of them all ! The actual outer space experience. They say that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you are about die, I wanted to use euphemism, but what the heck ! This one almost robbed me of the joy of a future fatherhood , I must say ! The rushing pain, both of us the pilot and passenger with our eyes rolled up , yelling like never before , pain , shock, scare, the rushing pain starting at the back of your asshole and then up your nuts really, god freaking really needs a special mention !!!!! And hands down, we had our winner !!!!!

But then , pain gives you inspiration to think and it got my mind rolling to unchartered territory. Picture this , a pregnant lady and I mean really pregnant who needs to get to the hospital to deliver. She and her family can't afford the super suspension SUV ride to get her driven to the hospital so that she doesn't feel the jerks that could decide her baby's future, her future, her family's future. With the crater ride in Mumbai, she's sure to get the baby delivered in the rickshaw or maybe suffer a miscarriage. Mobile hospitals ! Situation 2, old man with slipped disc needs to get around. Uncle, " your back is toh gone only "! Imagine the accidents that can occur putting a lot of life at peril. But who is going to rid them and us of this mess ? Is it the BMC or the MMRDA ? Or maybe it the average politician who takes the 3 minute Honda city ride to Mantralaya from his bungalow at Nariman Point ! I am sure he'll know about the black hole situation in Mumbai ! Better still, it maybe the central government, after all its their help that we'll need when we need to beg for money from the world bank, again to make even better craters ! Naa, our locals can't be contacted, since they are busy making Mumbai, 'Shag'high , I presume ! What to do ? Oh, what to do ? Stephen Sahab, I guess we need a Mumbai hole theory now .............